Last night I was re-reading the Getting Ready to Receive chapter of Write it Down, Make it Happen and some things really struck me.  In the chapter, a women starts writing letters to her future soul mate in preparation for the day they meet.  After writing the letters for awhile she thinks they are ready to meet and even sets a deadline for when he will arrive in her life.  When the deadline comes and goes she gets frustrated because she feels that she is ready to receive the love of her life. Upon further inspection, she realizes that she has not released all the issues that are keeping her from finding true love.  She wasn't ready to receive her soul mate yet...

So what does it mean to be ready to receive?  I wondered about that myself as I lay in the bed last night.  I have been self-employed for over six years, but I haven't achieved the level of success that I know I am capable of.  I feel like I am ready to step into that next chapter, but am I really ready to receive all of God's best?! Growing up people always told me that I was highly intelligent and capable of anything I put my mind to. I won't lie, hearing those things sometimes frightened me.  How could people, even strangers, see things in me that I don't even see in myself?!  The older I got, the more I realized that being thought of as smart and attractive is not a bad thing. I think I am past being afraid of my own power, but what is still holding me back?

After some soul searching I realized that it's not the success or even failure I fear, it's how people react to you once you are successful that I am most afraid of.  I guess at my core, I am afraid of being the high powered woman who can't get a man, whose family depends on her for money, and whom other women see as a threat.  Taking a step back I realized that I already deal with these issues on some level, so what am I really afraid of?  Truthfully I never really took the time out to see that the things I am afraid of, I am already dealing with.  If I am only mildly successful with these problems, am I fearful that greater success will worsen the problem?  Conversely, what if things stay the same, but I am more successful and content in my career? Imagine that!!

I will use that as my jumping off point and see where it leads me.