This is the first Father's day that I haven't had my Father around. My Dad died on March 16 while I was working in LA. He had been battling cancer for awhile and had been rushed to the hospital the weekend prior to his passing. After a few tests we were told that his prognosis wasn't good and that we didn't have much time. When my Mom told me the news I made a mental note to plan a visit to see him one last time in the upcoming weeks. Later that day my Mom called me crying and saying that "He was gone" and then another family member got on the phone and started talking to me about what happened. I was working late when I got the news, and didn't know who to call. So I stood up and told my co-worker who sat across from me what had happened and I then I just started crying uncontrollably. I was stunned initially and thought my Mom was mistaken.  I didn't believe he had really passed away until I saw him at the wake later that next week.

Now it's been 3 months and I can think about my Dad without feeling sad. The first month involved a lot of unexpected tears including one incident where I started crying in front of one of my favorite brunch restaurants downtown. I think I was able to come to terms with his passing quicker than expected because I knew this day was coming sooner rather than later. My Dad had been battling cancer since 2008, so I can only be happy that his pain has subsided, but sometimes I wish he was still alive. I do realize that is just my selfish desire and not the will of God, so I don't allow myself to get caught up in the "what ifs". I expected to feel sad today, but I have been mostly thinking about the good memories. I did start to tear up when I started composing this post, but other than that, my spirits have been up. In regards to my Dad, I feel that it's better to have loved and lost, then to have never known the love of a Father at all.