A friend who has been prodding me to date outside my "comfort zone" sent me a link to one of those articles about how successful black women should start dating outside of their race if they want to get married. I read the first couple paragraphs of it and pretty much knew how the rest of it would go.  These articles are supposed to enlighten black women, but I personally think they are causing more harm than good because they appeal to black women's fear of being lonely. A little background on me before I start my rant. I was a Daddy's girl growing up and I probably am one now. I grew up with some poor excuses for black men and some good black men. The men in my life taught me to judge men on their character and not the color of their skin.  Growing up I was attracted to men of all races and didn't start liking tall, dark-skinned men until my sophomore year in high school.  My preference is for black men PERIOD, but if I fall in love with someone who is not black, so be it. But articles like the one I mentioned above always have the underlying message that black men don't want black women and if you want to get married, you will need to get with a white or non black men guy.  I call bulls#it on that.  Plenty of black women are marrying black men, and some article wants to tell me that my odds are slim so I should just give up hope now.  I will let you in on a secret, non-black men aren't perfect either. My nephew's father is white and he walked away from his parental responsibilities when he found out my sister was pregnant. Everyone knows plenty of black men who are not involved in their children's lives, but we forget that this is a male issue and not a race issue.  Women of all races are having issues getting married and/or staying married. 

I won't get into the known issues with the black family, because this is my blog and I talk about MY experiences and MY experiences ONLY. I will say that I refuse to read, listen, or watch these articles that talk about the successful, yet lonely single black woman epidemic.  It's sad and depressing and only seems to make black women feel worse about themselves and their lives.  If you want to listen to these stories and internalize some of the statistics about black women never getting married, please go ahead.  If you haven't figured this out by reading my blog, I believe in God for ALL things.  Jesus feed 5000 people with five loaves of bread and 2 pieces of fish, so I think I'm alright when it comes to finding a man.  I also realize that I can't date just any man that looks nice or is of a certain race, his character is the most important thing. In addition, Dad made sure that my siblings and I grew up knowing God and he was the spiritual head of our family. For that reason alone, I can't marry a man who stays home and watches television on Sunday mornings.  Finding a man with a real relationship with God is probably proving to be the hardest thing.  Ever since my Dad had his last stroke, he has been writing letters to my sister and I because his speech is impaired. In one letter he advised us to not settle if the man we are dating isn't right for us. He instructed us to stay single and to pray and ask God to send a man of our "caliber".  That message came right on time for me because it let me know that I'm not under the gun and that my Dad can wait on a son-in-law even though his health isn't the greatest.

The main reason I wrote this blog is because these articles offend me as a woman who had a good black father and knows plenty of good black men. Those articles are always very one-sided and paint both black men and women in a negative light.  Am I supposed to believe that all successful, black women are lonely and all successful, black men want white women when that isn't my reality?  I will agree that men aren't what they used to be, but I will never put down black men.  My father is a black man and I would never disrespect the one man who loves me as I am and thinks the world of me!  I have had numerous people tell me that I need to get with a white man in order to be happy.  I had to take that issue to God and realize what my own truth is.  Truth 1) Dating a non-black man isn't going to cure all my dating dilemmas!  If I'm picking the wrong black men, who is to say that I will magically start picking the right white men.  Truth 2) I can be equally yoked with a black man.  I have dated plenty of good men in my life, but they weren't the ones for me. Truth 3) My preference is always going to be for black men and anyone who sees a problem with that has their own issues in my opinion.

I am all for people being open to new people and experiences, but I don't operate out of fear and if I do have a fear, I try and take that to God.  I'm done talking about this topic, and I have turned off the comments on this post. Everyone is allowed their opinion on this topic, and this is mine.  Whomever you find happiness with is your business. Be blessed in Love!